Things on my mind.

I have recently been thinking more than ever about God judging the motives of my heart. Two verses are lingering in my mind: Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" and Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

The heart is deceitful, and it has thoughts and attitudes that we will not understand.

I have been thoroughly examining myself and analyzing my actions as of late, trying to discern what exactly my motivation is for worshipping God in any way shape or form. Is it because I know what is right and feel an obligation to do that which is "good" to look favorably in the sight of God? Is it because I know what is wrong and do not want to do it lest I become apostate? Or is it because it is neither obligation or fear of my own failure, but out of love I have for Jesus Christ? Do I have a natural inclination to do evil or good in certain circumstances? When I follow or resist the natural inclination, where is my heart in that matter, and what are my motives?

I may not be able to understand my heart, or any man's heart for that matter, but I have a better understanding of myself in general. In Matthew 9:4, Jesus says, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?" When we are inclined to do what is wrong, we're obviously just entertaining the wretched heart within us. But how do we overcome that? More importantly, how do we overcome that with pure motives? It can't be because we "want" to do good. If it is because we "want" to, we have to examine why we want to. Like I asked above, is it because I know what the "good" and ethical choice is and want to do it in order to maintain an ethical standard? That question goes deeper than that though. Why would I want to be ethical? Is it to be pleasing in the sight of God? Is it vainglory? Am I neglecting that God has already looked upon me favorably even as a complete sinner and drew me to His Son?

What about avoiding that which is evil? When presented with the option to sin or to abstain from a sin, am I choosing on the basis of what I feel is an obligation to be "Christ-like" or because I do not want to sin? If I hate sin, why do I hate it? Even when I am completely engulfed in it, I can't stand it and I want to be set free. But what does freedom from sin grant us? Freedom to love. Why would I want either?

When it comes down to it, if we act out of the motivation of our hearts, we are falling into a deceitful trap that will convince us that what we are doing is for the love of God, but it is only self-seeking. However, if we act in the Holy Spirit, we are accomplishing nothing on our own, but the Holy Spirit is leading the way for us. Think about the following verses:

Galatians 5:16 "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

Galatians 2:20-21 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

So how does one act in the Holy Spirit? How does one live by the Spirit? I don't know, just do it. What I have learned within this past year is that there is no recipe for sanctification. Just seek God with every bit of your heart, mind, and soul and pray that your intentions, even the intentions of the prayer itself, are pure.